looking up

Another view from maui 2008.

Looking up.

Love these trees. even though we have them here in LA and I grew up with them everywhere in San Diego - they are a little different in Hawaii. You'll have to get yourself there to see for yourself!

Hope you all had a lovely Thanksgiving.

I'm loving the long weekend my husband gets off from work. It's been a quiet time for us and very much needed.

now I'm off to go try to make my very first baby quilt. Wish me luck. I may need it.

looking forward - looking back

This is a polaroid I took in Maui while Jerry was in the ocean Scuba Diving.
I have a pile of polaroids I took and I can't wait to post them all.

I love the memory of the ocean. Especially the day we went to Napili bay. My favorite spot on earth.

2 years ago we actually spent Thanksgiving at Napili Bay.
This year we will spend it at home - listening to the rain that has finally come - eating simple thanksgiving food that we buy premade from whole foods - and watch the parade on tv and all the movies that I tivo'd. Simple - Relaxing - Perfect.
I'm thankful for days like this. With my little loving family. The last thanksgiving before our little baby arrives.

Today we had an ultrasound and got to see the little guy again. He is doing well and is cozy in there. My cat is laying on my lap purring on him right now. It seems this year is all about going slow - and paying attention to the little moments.

I have so much to be thankful for. The list would take up so much room here.
But all i want to really say is that I am filled with Love and I receive so much love that I feel very complete with that alone!
Don't get me wrong - I love our home, the heater, the windows letting in the light, the sounds of rain, the sunshine peeking through it, the couch, the blankets, all the stuff we have here. I know that many lost their homes just recently in the fires near us and now it's raining on the ashes of the remains. I wish for them much love and comfort right now. I hope they are all doing ok and are surrounded by loved ones.

Which is why I am noticing that Love is what I am grateful for most of all.

xo
*c

tribute

This cat was one of my all time favorite boy cats on the planet. He lived up in Portland at my friends Katye, Brandon's and Tate's house. One day he just cried out and then died. Just like that. It shocked the household. I just found out today and am really bummed out. Thought I'd post this photo of him as a tribute.

Pootie Tang!

a blast from my past....

Today I got an e-mail from Google alerts - that someone was looking me up for wedding photography. I'm sure they figured it out - that I no longer photograph weddings.
However they were sent to this LINK- which I read through and it brought me right back to my first year of wedding photography. That year was so fun for me. I loved my clients, It was fresh and new for me, and I was surrounded by other talented photographers who helped me get my start.

The photos above were taken at a wedding a few years later in my career. They are actually from one of my favorite weddings of all time. Not that I pick favorites (!) But look at how gorgeous that dress is. That gal is stunning and the venue was dreamy and I just adored it all.

I won an award for the image with the bride looking in the mirror. It was picked as one of the best wedding images of that year in PDN magazine. That was a moment for me.
And the bride was Thrilled too! Here is the LINK to that. You'll need to enter the gallery and look through the getting ready images to find mine.

Those weekends were filled with documenting other people's amazing life events.
These weekends are filled with being with my husband, cat, pregnant belly, friends, listening to music, eating grilled cheese and chicken broth ( I have a cold ), and lounging around listening to Amy Mann on KCRW and wearing my sweats all day because I can!

I guess this blog entry is my documentation of an amazing event in my own life. A weekend with my family. I created an exit strategy from wedding photography just so I could have more days like this.

Although I do miss meeting newly engaged couples and hearing all about their relationship, and their upcoming wedding - and then finding magical moments at their wedding through the lens of my camera - I do adore this chapter in my life as well.

I'm getting to know what it's like to have weekends OFF!!!!!

YAY FOR WEEKENDS OFF, lazy days, and remembering your past with fondness and no regrets.

now I must go eat that gooey grilled cheese and sit with my husband.....

3 month comparison

I'm an artist...what does that mean? Does it mean anything?

photo © Keri Smith

So I had a very intriguing conversation with my friend Nancy. We were talking about the Getty and going there to do research. Somehow it struck me. Why is it when some people ask me what I do for a living, I think to myself that being an artist isn't really anything of importance? I don't always think that. But sometimes I do. I project that certain others are going to think "oh....she's an "artist". That's ridiculous. " But then when I think of the Getty and the collection of art there - I think " that place is so important. " Why is that place that carries other people's artwork so important - but I am not as important to the world as an artist as those others? "
Of course I know a lot of things I could / should say as to why it's important to be an artist.
I remember Daniel Vosavic on Project Runway being asked why he should win Project Runway.
his answer was something like " Because I have a unique vision. "
That was really all he said. But it was very true. He does and I love his work. It is inspiring to me. I'm sure he doesn't make his work to inspire me. He makes his work because that is who he is. He has to.
I also was so inspired by the art during Obama's campaign. The Hope Poster, And Will.I.Am and his song "YES WE CAN" and the video that went with it. Brought me to tears.
Artist's who inspire me off the top of my head:
Frida Kahlo
Remedios Varo
Leonora Carrington
Francesca Woodman. Why did she kill herself?
Chagall
Mozart
Will.I.AM
Justin Timberlake- yes really. especially when he is on SNL!
James Fee
Dorothea Tanning
Keri Smith
Andrea Scher
Alison Kaplan
Nancy Haselbacher

Oh there are so many - and I didn't even touch on all the photographers yet!
maybe my next post will be dedicated to them!

Anyhow - My point being is that
this belief that takes up space in my head sometimes
HAS GOT TO GO!
Low self esteem is so boring. B.O.R.I.N.G!!!!
I'm over it.
OVER IT!
I'm also over all of those people who think that art and making art is something lower on the totem pole then what they do.

I AM AN ARTIST!!! - you got a problem with that???!!!

I remember coming to a realization while on a spiritual power journey in Mexico many years ago.
I realized my artwork is important because:

Because I was given the gift of "seeing".
It's a gift. A treat. A talent.
It's given to me.
I should use it.
Because it's the thing I do well.
And I enjoy it.

I enjoy digging, researching, looking, experiencing, slowing things down to really notice, being in the moment, being involved in a process with my hands, eyes, and heart. All at once. It's an amazing feeling. It's a bit like tennis at some moments. All of your senses have to be aligned and you need hand eye coordination. and you also need to "know" when the right moment is to make a mark, or hit the ball or take the photo.
It's a full contact sport. It's relaxing and meditative. It's exciting. It's working with the unknown. It's a spiritual practice.
It's a way of observing and documenting the events that occur on the inside and the outside of my life. My life.
My observations of the world.
My friend Nancy and I are trying to come up with a different way of saying " I'm an artist " that gets right down to the essense of what that means for us and what our artwork is.
What an assignment that is!

I'd love to hear from any of your artists out there - why you make art. Why it's important to make your art. And what your artwork means to you.

( and yes - I mean photographers, crafters, knitters, cooks, bakers, anything you consider a creative living. )

xoxox

ocean and sky

this photo was taken in Maui on November 1st with my iphone. Jerry my husband is out there in the water doing his first scuba dive ever. I waiting for him on the shore. Watching the clouds, watching the water move, watching.
And waiting for him to come back.

He did.

and he had a fantastic time swimming with sea turtles down deep in the ocean.

coming up for air.

Well I'm working my way through a lot of mind chatter today. Yesterday was similar. Believing myself. Feeling down based on expectations I have of where I think I "should" be right now, or comparing myself to others, or using the same sad stories I usually tell myself about myself. We all know how well that type of thing works out. "they" say "What ever you put your attention on gets bigger". It some times feels like a tug of war. I know in my mind that this is not a good road to go down. But at the same time it's familiar like a nice old blanket that tattered and torn, but feels like home somehow.

At some point I remembered to "wake up" and Choose again. Choose happiness. Choose light. Choose Love. Choose to let all the darkness go for this moment and try something new, fresh and more vibrant.

I think I get this way after a vacation. It's like coming down off a real good high. Now I'm learning to get more balanced here and get back on track.

Looking through the Maui photos perks me up. Sea Turtles are MAGIC. I wasn't able to go into the ocean to see them up close like I've done on past trips but on one sunset at the beach one came to me! I was taking photos of the ocean and all of a sudden a giant sea turtle was at the shore! here she is coming up for a breath of air. I always love to watch them come up for air. Feels like me right now - Coming up for air.

I'm grateful I was in Maui and had the chance to see this turtle!

and here is more gratitude that "coming up for air" inspires in me:

* the chance to go to maui on our babymoon and be with my wonderful husband for 8 days in paradise.

* feeling our baby move inside my belly

* having medical insurance

* having a car to get to the doctor, to a meeting, to see a friend, to buy groceries, to take a road trip on a whim.

* having internet

* glorious November days in Los Angeles when it really does feel like Fall mixed with Summer.

* Friendships around the world

* connecting with other creative artist activist mommas! Thank you Mary Catherine!

* having my cat Pretty Girl lay on my belly and purr on the pregnant bump. also known as "helping".

* airconditioning in the house and in the car

* trees of all kinds

* birds in general. all of them.

* all the cat family. I want to squeeze them.

* artistic expression of all kinds

* not having to label myself as anything ( ie: a photographer ) in order to find value in who I am. ( still working on that one )

* our new president, his wife and their example

* 12 step programs and the spiritual aspect of them even though sometimes I rebel against them.

* principles before personalities.

* learning to bake and gluten free blogs to learn from.

* people who inspire me like Andrea Scher!

* having freedom of choice in most cases.

* sobriety

* LOVE

* great music like pink martini, jill scott, kanye west, no doubt, sting

* napping

* bubble baths

* star glitter and friends who get that!

* my best friend and lovely husband Jerry

* our warm and cozy house

* a driveway to park in

* a grocery store a mile away

* health food stores - all of em.

* jon stewart, tina fey, amy pohler, bill maher

*aline smithson

* cameras, paper, linoleum blocks, inks, pens, puffy paint, glitter, craft projects, art projects.

* sunlight that is romantic, like right now. The fall sun.

* did I already say Sea Turtles?

* good food

* cooking, baking for fun and to express love

* sharing my life with my love.

* pretty plates from anthropologie.

* grapes

* watermelon

* travel

* walking in the woods

* the smell of the woods

* the smell of rain

* having a prudent reserve

* lack of drama or chaos

* soap that smells of roses

* pretty ribbon

* socks

* flip flops

* photographs

* gratitude lists.

Mr. President - BARACK OBAMA!

Just got back from a relaxing and beautiful trip to Maui with my husband and 6 month baby bump.
We had a fantastic time. Laying by the pool, floating on a raft in the water, eating great food, watching sea turtles, laying on a raft in the ocean at Napili Bay ( our favorite beach and where we stayed on our honeymoon last year ). Jerry did a Scuba Dive, and he drove up to Haleakala Volcano at 4am to watch the sunrise. I couldn't take part because of the pregnancy but was excited that he got to do those things. It was a trip to celebrate our one year anniversary and our "babymoon". The last vacation without a diaper bag and or a child! I miss it there already. I do Love Maui so much. We have been going every October for the past 3 years and hope to continue the tradition with our baby.
Our last day there was voting day. We sat in a cafe that had a huge screen tv with fox news on. It was funny to watch that particular channel. A group of strangers sitting in the cafe all sharing our opinions and rants.
We went and had dinner and on the way to our car we peeked our heads in the cafe again to see the tv screen it said
" OBAMA WINS PRESIDENCY".
I was stunned. We went in and I asked if it was real. They said yes - it just happened. I expected a lot of commotion in the streets - especially since he is from Hawaii - but it was strangely quiet.
We missed hearing his acceptance speech but I read it on my iphone and was in tears from the first paragraph. It was stunning, meaningful, inspiring, thoughtful, bigger then just about himself. I love that about him. I have loved him since he first announced his candidacy. And have never felt so inspired to be a part of his idea of change and hop and get in the trenches and do something to help be the change I want to see. I bought a lawn sign, and a "mama for Obama" t-shirt.
I am reconsidering my career path and want to be more involved in helping the community. Not sure what that is going to look like yet but it is seriously on my mind these days. I'm so proud we all got together and voted for him. I didn't trust the voting process after - well - you know what happened. And here he is Barack Obama....Our PRESIDENT.
What a way to end our vacation in Maui. With an inspiring new President I am proud of and a sense that our country is on the right track again.

Now - about Prop 8 passing..........
I'm shocked and humiliated that so many people out there are still - well
my friend Brandon said it better then I can so here is the link to his blog. Go read it - it's worth the effort.

A friend of mine just went through a very shocking experience at a 12 step meeting of all places. Her Sponsor told her that she can no longer work with her because she ( my friend ) is a Lesbian.

Um....WHAT?????

What does that have to do with helping someone with the 12 steps?

Fear is alive and well here in Los Angeles. So Sad.
And it happened the same day Obama won.

A gal suggested that you fight hatred by stepping away from the hater.
Obama is a great person to look to as a symbol of this. No matter what the Republican party was saying about him - he didn't react - didn't get angry - didn't veer from his path. A path absent of immaturity and ignorance. He is so above it that nothing could really bug him. His wife is the same way. She said they have a purpose and focus their energies on that instead of what people say about them. There's no time for that.
I love them.
Thank you for being an example I can look to in my own life of how to be in the world, change the world, and no get wrapped up in all the toxic energy that people throw around.

YES WE CAN!
YES WE CAN!
YEA WE CAN!!!!!!!