Friday, November 07, 2008

coming up for air.

Well I'm working my way through a lot of mind chatter today. Yesterday was similar. Believing myself. Feeling down based on expectations I have of where I think I "should" be right now, or comparing myself to others, or using the same sad stories I usually tell myself about myself. We all know how well that type of thing works out. "they" say "What ever you put your attention on gets bigger". It some times feels like a tug of war. I know in my mind that this is not a good road to go down. But at the same time it's familiar like a nice old blanket that tattered and torn, but feels like home somehow.

At some point I remembered to "wake up" and Choose again. Choose happiness. Choose light. Choose Love. Choose to let all the darkness go for this moment and try something new, fresh and more vibrant.

I think I get this way after a vacation. It's like coming down off a real good high. Now I'm learning to get more balanced here and get back on track.

Looking through the Maui photos perks me up. Sea Turtles are MAGIC. I wasn't able to go into the ocean to see them up close like I've done on past trips but on one sunset at the beach one came to me! I was taking photos of the ocean and all of a sudden a giant sea turtle was at the shore! here she is coming up for a breath of air. I always love to watch them come up for air. Feels like me right now - Coming up for air.

I'm grateful I was in Maui and had the chance to see this turtle!

and here is more gratitude that "coming up for air" inspires in me:

* the chance to go to maui on our babymoon and be with my wonderful husband for 8 days in paradise.

* feeling our baby move inside my belly

* having medical insurance

* having a car to get to the doctor, to a meeting, to see a friend, to buy groceries, to take a road trip on a whim.

* having internet

* glorious November days in Los Angeles when it really does feel like Fall mixed with Summer.

* Friendships around the world

* connecting with other creative artist activist mommas! Thank you Mary Catherine!

* having my cat Pretty Girl lay on my belly and purr on the pregnant bump. also known as "helping".

* airconditioning in the house and in the car

* trees of all kinds

* birds in general. all of them.

* all the cat family. I want to squeeze them.

* artistic expression of all kinds

* not having to label myself as anything ( ie: a photographer ) in order to find value in who I am. ( still working on that one )

* our new president, his wife and their example

* 12 step programs and the spiritual aspect of them even though sometimes I rebel against them.

* principles before personalities.

* learning to bake and gluten free blogs to learn from.

* people who inspire me like Andrea Scher!

* having freedom of choice in most cases.

* sobriety


* great music like pink martini, jill scott, kanye west, no doubt, sting

* napping

* bubble baths

* star glitter and friends who get that!

* my best friend and lovely husband Jerry

* our warm and cozy house

* a driveway to park in

* a grocery store a mile away

* health food stores - all of em.

* jon stewart, tina fey, amy pohler, bill maher

*aline smithson

* cameras, paper, linoleum blocks, inks, pens, puffy paint, glitter, craft projects, art projects.

* sunlight that is romantic, like right now. The fall sun.

* did I already say Sea Turtles?

* good food

* cooking, baking for fun and to express love

* sharing my life with my love.

* pretty plates from anthropologie.

* grapes

* watermelon

* travel

* walking in the woods

* the smell of the woods

* the smell of rain

* having a prudent reserve

* lack of drama or chaos

* soap that smells of roses

* pretty ribbon

* socks

* flip flops

* photographs

* gratitude lists.