Monday, December 29, 2008

power sign

when I was a part of the Toltec Community - we learned that everything could be seen as a power sign. We wore a symbol on us to remind us to "wake up". I wore a necklace with a sword on it. Others wore a ring or something. It all meant the same thing. When we looked at it - hopefully it would snap up out of being "asleep".
Being Asleep meant we were believing our own mind. We were taking things personally, making assumptions, holding resentments, being angry, feeling like we weren't enough, or we were too much. You know, all that inner dialogue we believe about ourselves and our surroundings. It's all garbage. And we think it's the truth. Then we punish ourselves by how we treat ourselves or by living small - or trying to be bigger then others. It's a living hell.

After 5 years of devoting my life and work to that community and practice of " waking up" I decided to leave and go off on my own and start my photography business and practice the tools in my life without signing up for more Toltec Workshops, or weekends. It was for me like leaving a church I went to regularly.

Life was really ok for a while. But little by little I started to allow the beliefs to win out again and I didn't have the same practice I had before to shift my awareness quickly away from fear and back into love. I'm so glad I had that experience. It helps me to understand the importance of community, or of having a place to go regularly for spiritual input. If it's just me - I tend to spin out a bit.

So I decided to head back to 12 step programs. I had gotten my spiritual start there 20+ years ago. Again, I find a community of people all looking for and living in the solution. The answer to internal suffering is simple, yet profound when you are addicted to drama, sadness, depression, and your story. What if that story didn't exist?
Anyhow - my point in all this? Just that the feather in that photo above reminds me to wake up. It's a power sign. It's something out of the blue that catches my attention. I use to collect them. Now I take photos of them. It brings me back to a time when I was new to the Toltec Practice and trying to figure out what the heck the teachers were talking about.
In my life today I realize that all it takes is a moment - a shift in perception - a contrary action - taking direction from another person who may have "been there", and being open and taking action.

I don't act out the way I use to 20 years ago. The drama is much more quiet. Both internally and externally.
The feather reminds me of where I've been and how far I've come and to stop believing the fear based thoughts and beliefs and return to love.

p.s. look at all the potential 4 leaf clovers - talk about power signs!